By: Jocelyn Lee, CISM Social Worker
In Partnership with Angela Hamblen-Kelly, LCSW, Executive Director of Baptist Centers for Good Grief
The season of joy is here, and for most of us, this time of year also serves up a heavy dose of stress.
Sure, we all know it’s coming – the shopping, cooking, traveling, family, and so many other things on what seems to be a never-ending to-do list consume our lives for two full months each year – but interestingly, holiday stress is somewhat normalized. It can be extremely overwhelming, but we anticipate it and accept it as an annual tradition. However, what’s more difficult and unpredictable – especially this time of year – is grief.
With so much centered around family togetherness, traditions, and memories of the past this time of year, it’s understandable how feelings of grief can easily intensify. It’s already difficult to talk about grief, but the idea of asking for help from friends or loved ones during the holidays can be even more of a struggle because it may feel selfish, like you’re interfering with their happiness, which can lead to isolation and an even deeper sense of loss.
The sad reality is the holiday season can be totally unbearable for those experiencing grief.
A 2021 national poll found that nearly 40% of Americans had no interest in celebrating the holidays due to feelings of grief and loss.
Grief is complicated, but being able to recognize it can help with coping. Grief encompasses all of the thoughts and feelings that consume the body, heart, and mind after a loved one dies. It is experienced in multiple ways:
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- Physically (muscle tension, upset stomach, increase in heart rate, etc)
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- Emotionally (anger, sadness, confusion, peace, regret, etc.)
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- Cognitively (feeling stuck, struggling to process death, asking “why” and “how”)
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- Spiritually (stronger connection to faith/beliefs or more questions about faith/beliefs)
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- Behaviorally (loss of self/identity, isolation, or red flag behaviors, like suicide)
The important thing to remember is grief is an expression of love, and the only real cure for grief is to allow yourself to grieve. Grief is the most universal experience we have as people, young and old, but it isn’t necessary to grieve alone.
Tips for facilitating conversations about grief and loss:
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- Create space to have conversations about grief that is a normal and comfortable part of daily life, such as a shared activity, game, scheduled outing, daily routine, etc. Remember, it’s okay to have fun, especially when dealing with children.
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- Incorporate authentic opportunities for memorialization, rituals, and traditions to honor and remember lost loved ones that fit within the context of the family or friendship.
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- Give accurate, honest, and age-appropriate information. For children, try not to avoid the words “died,” “dead,” and “death,” and remember that it’s okay not to have all the answers.
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- Reach out to people and resources that can help you facilitate a conversation and provide ongoing support.
Tips for caregivers to navigate their own grief while supporting others:
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- Acknowledge the grief, and normalize grieving and mourning. It’s okay if others see your tears, including children.
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- Prioritize self-care.
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- Express grief in healthy ways.
Just as we anticipate and normalize extra holiday stress, having plans for navigating grief during the holidays is just as important.
The loss of a loved one at this time of year can be devastating, but feelings of grief for family and friends who died years ago can also easily resurface and have a significant impact. Recognizing these feelings, reminding yourself that it’s okay to have them, and identifying trusted sources for support – whether it’s someone close to you or an external organization like the Centers for Good Grief – can help bring peace and comfort.
Additional Resources:
Baptist Hospital’s Centers for Good Grief
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- Website | (901) 861-5656
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- Locations in Memphis, Collierville, and Jonesboro, AR
Sesame Street In Communities
SAMHSA’s National Helpline
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- 1-800-662-HELP (4357) | TTY: 1-800-487-4889
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- 24/7 free, confidential information service (English and Spanish) providing referrals to local support groups and community-based organization
